So she started meeting men for coffee or a drink in the pub. She also started restricting the dates to one-offs; early on, she met up with some of the men several times, but it was becoming awkward. Caruana was strict about not wanting physical contact with them, but one tried to kiss her on a third date. She realised then that one date was enough. Many of them said this was their first time and seemed very nervous, but others were serial adulterers. They had all, however, put a lot of thought into how to have an affair — pseudonyms were used, and every one, she says, had a secret phone.
The men knew she was an artist, but none had any idea they were the subject of her work.
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Then she started using a disposable camera, whipped out on the premise of photographing something on the table. So many of the men talked about how they could go and have sex with a prostitute, but using those sites was to get something else. There is this fantasy of an affair, and I was able to show the reality — the mundanity, the loneliness. It was just pattern after pattern.
Portrait of an adulterer: secret shots of 50 married men I met on dating websites
Some of the men would talk about sex and be very desire-driven, but there would still be hints of that loneliness. Did she ever feel bad about deceiving them? What happens in that exchange? He had travelled down from Newcastle to see me and was already on his second or third marriage. There was so much sadness in him.
The project taught her a lot, she says, mostly about the importance of communication between couples. Caruana is now searching for couples who have experienced and successfully overcome cheating for a new video commission. To get in touch, click here. Dating Sex Relationships Internet Marriage features.
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